LOVE WILL TEAR YOU APART

MY mate Phil had parents with a slightly peculiar sense of humour.
Never prolific with the Christmas presents, he would usually get the latest Everton top to unwrap under the tree each year.

Nothing wrong with that of course, but one Christmas even that tell-tale bundle was conspicuous by its absence.
Instead, Phil's folks let him sweat thinking he had nothing until they presented him with a big, carefully-wrapped box (this is going somewhere trust me...).
Excitedly he tore off the paper and opened the box only to discover another, slightly smaller box inside. Intrigued he opened that box, thinking it must be a special gift like a Sega Megadrive, only to find another box.
Inside that was another empty box and inside that, finally, was the last box. Bursting with excitement, as his brother looked on he ripped open the last box to find - nothing. It was empty.
Cue howls of laughter from his parents before they reached behind the tree and gave him his Everton shirt.
I think all Evertonians know he felt after this summer's constant transfer exasperation. It's been one mega promising big money deal after another, all turning out to be an empty box.
We've just about taken each set-back on the chin and wondered if Rodwell is up to the job, when we get presented with another shiny box.
Yesterday was no different. Legend-in-the making Vagner Love was having a medical we heard. B*llocks.
I'll believe we are going to sign any of these heavily-lauded players when I see them with Royal blue on their chest standing next to Davie Moyes.
In my imagination there's also a bit of Goodison sprinkler action thrown in like when Kanchelskis signed for Joe Royle.
Anyway, it never rains but it pours does it? Driving to work today during what seemed like Monsoon season in the Ganges I learned the full extent of Pienaar's foot injury.
Out for up to three months when we could barely afford to lose a first team player let alone a midfielder.
I should have guessed it was serious given the South African's agonised writhing after the innocuous challenge against PSV.
I still can't wait until the big kick off on Saturday but God Knows how we'll get on against Blackburn with such a paucity of options.
Finally to cheer us up I'll leave you with this anecdote about Vagner Love (not his real name) from the Guardian. The striker's own quotes are the best.
Brazilian porn actress Pamela Butt says she feels 'defiled' after a video of her and CSKA Moscow striker Vagner Love was leaked online. 'It's appalling,' Butt told the Folha de São Paulo. 'I'm very well paid to have sex on camera, but I earned nothing for this. I am two people: Pamela the actress and Pamela the private lady, and today the private lady is defiled.' 'Hey, I'm known for being amorous,' says Love. 'Let's be honest: this reputation isn't one that unsettles me.'
Pamela Butt (left)

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